I used to call you when my "seasons" ended.
I know you're in bed when the game is over
But I would call you anyway
And your voice would meet mine on the phone
I would say, "what are you doing?"
And you would say "laying in my bed"
I knew the answer but I asked anyway
Because that is what we did
And now I'm not sure what to do
When the lights go off and the crowd goes home
What 10 digits will I dial because you won't pick up the phone
I don't know where home is because
you're not at the end of Allen Road
I want to stay away because then your absense is avoidable
Because I'll never have to look for your face in the doorway only to find your ashes on the bookcase
that lack will crush me
And I fear it already has
Because something inside me that was full grown
Is small again - shrunken down
Like a morning glory that hasn't seen dawn in 7 months
Perhaps I need to learn to bloom in nighttime
To find not warmth but sight by the light of the moon
I know I'm supposed to be so big now
But I feel so closed up and I don't know what to do
I'm gonna be a dad, did you know that?
A little girl due in July
Priscilla is so strong and really smart
She's gonna be a great Mom
I really wish you got to see her
gettin' real big in the middle
She wants to start her own school
It's almost like we're having two
I don't know if I'll get used to this
Us talking at night without our routine
I'm the one laying in bed
And still the one who oughtta be sleep
But I think I can accept it
Because the last things you said were not long after I started with the Lord is My Shepherd
So He must be taking care of you
You know I've got a lot of fundraising and planning to do
And I know you'd say He's gonna take care of me too
Nathan and Diamond are buying a house
Seriously, I. Can't. Even.
And Tre is gonna be 18
So hard to believe
I'm finally going to the doctor
Not for my knee but for my back, feet and shoulder
I know you'll say I only get one body
And they don't sell pieces of me in the store
Mike Rob and Steph got married
And so did Sy and Gabby
Trump is still running for president
And I promise I'll be careful at those rallies
To end our call I'd always ask what time is it and you'd say, "did I get to where I was going"
I'd say yes a long time ago and you'd say "time for you to go to the bathroom
And for both of us to go to bed
So good night until I call again
Or the light of Christ shine bright and we both bloom for forever.
Thank you to Peter Cho and the students from Binghamton for their grace, space and patience even as I lead them; and for Pete Scazzero, Rich Villodas and Redd Sevilla for leading me the same way. I am limited, finite and broken but I have access to a limitless, infinite and Holy and whole God. He is Risen!