First off, no one is being fired from InterVarsity for supporting legislation in favor of gay marriage. That is false and painful click bait for Time Magazine to make revenue off of advertising because merging a theological position and a political one helps them make money. They have no interest in investing long-term in the dialogue between members of the LGBTQIA communities and the faith communities they are or are not a part of. Their intentions were not to spur reconciliation or point out disagreement without inspiring hatred or providing fodder for more derision.
Quite simply, sex sells. Whether it's exploiting the physical attributes of men and women on covers of magazines or someone's painful story boiled down to 350 words and a 1-minute video. Lord have mercy.
This article does nothing to help my relationship with Jackie* who poured her heart out to me about falling in love with another woman. It does nothing to help my relationship with Jimmy* who left a note for me late one night hoping that "coming out" that way was less shameful. It does nothing for my friend Kim* on the edge of sobriety because of another failed attempt at intimacy. In fact it does the opposite. It sews discord and disdain, props up social walls, and destroys trust built between individuals like me and my friends in the LGBTQIA Community. It obliterates the kingdom reality that we can live and work alongside one another and disagree; and puts us in the same shameful box as republicans v. democrats, liberals v. conservatives, Side A. v. Side B.
The outrage that flares from both "sides" is excruciating to watch as I hear friends of mine digest tidbits of loose information longing for something more robust and others giving up altogether. The text messages, Facebook posts, emails, conversations face to face cannot be boiled down into a lazy blog post quite simply because my friends in the LGBTQIA Community are worthy of more than that. And I believe that staff like me and certainly InterVarsity's leaders have done nothing shallow or cursory.
Unfortunately this is what our culture has devolved to, as two sides hurl ammunition to win an argument while losing relationships. We are more severed as a society and more fractured as a people who are too concerned with being right rather than with being righteous. And most of all we look the least like the Jesus we claim to follow and bear witness to.
The place that "who we sleep with" now occupies in our culture disgusts me. Sex - who is getting it and who isn't - has been boiled down to an activity and at the same time exalted to the place of identifier. And I firmly believe that sex has no place on the throne of our hearts, nor the forefronts of our minds. I say this, not because sexuality isn't important. I believe that it is! I also hold that sexual identity, practice, orientation and gender can never bear the weight of our identity.
Please know that InterVarsity's beliefs have not changed in 75-years. What has changed is the place that sexuality, intimacy and family has in our culture. Because of the exalted place that sexuality occupies, our theology needed to be more fully explained.
What This Decision Means for Me, My Family and Those I Lead
This does not mean violent words or deeds are justified against the LGBTQIA community. It does not mean we cast judgement and dismiss the loneliness, fear and the profound reality of social stigma and rejection. In fact it means the exact opposite. It means that because our culture has chosen to vilify and ostracize LGBTQIA people and cast you out, followers of Jesus must move closer. And not just to pass a track or pray the sinner's prayer and move on, but to do life alongside you in the same way we do life alongside racist, greedy, jealous, adulterous, idolatrous individuals every day. We move closer because Jesus moved closer to us. I move closer because Jesus moved closer to me.
Jesus does not endorse my prejudice and greed nor the adultery in my heart yet He sits with me and I feel loved by Him. He sacrificed time, energy and resources to be with me even though He doesn't "agree" with every portion of my life.
And, I want the same to be said of me! That I can disagree with you and you with me, yet we both feel loved, appreciated and valued by one another. Yes, our beliefs are different but I want you to know my daughter, eat dinner with my wife and celebrate Christmas and New Year's.
I want it to be said of my LGBTQIA friends in every season, not just in response to irresponsibly written articles, that they can move towards me because I move closer to them.
If you are reading this message and you are in pain and mourning, please know that I weep with you. I am angry for you and desire to have genuine conversations rooted in shared experiences and relationship not theological positions and talking points.
I sincerely hope that this post is the beginning of real conversations with real people who believe differently but desire to honor one another and follow Jesus. I also hope that those of you who are my friends, colleagues, and readers in the LGBTQIA community continue to engage in the messy work of reconciliation with me. Not in the comments section of posts or this or on Facebook or via email - but around a table of great food and much grace.