People keep asking me how NYCUP is. And I truthfully tell them, NYCUP is awesome. I love being able to live in this kind of community, getting to know people from all over the country doing different things. I'm really enjoying working at the Love Kitchen and seeing how a church can effectively outreach; can really be instrumental in a community. Manhattan Bible Church has around sixteen outreach ministries that all seem to be effective, they have a school, they run after school programs, the seem to be living out what they believe.

But then people ask me what I'm learning and I just kind of pause deer in the headlights look on my face.  Yeah, I'm learning more in depth about various issues through discussions and speakers, I'm learning about other people.  But at the same time, I feel like I came into NYCUP expecting this big explosion, a lightbulb over my head, brick to the face, moment where I get IT.  I don't know what it is, or how it will affect me, but it'll transform my life forever, take me in an entirely new direction, and transport me to new heights of spirituality and righteousness eclipsed only by Peter, Paul, and Mt. Everest.

But there is no it.  There's been no lightbulb moment.  I feel like I spent a lot of time, raised a lot of money, trekked up a giant cliff and I'm looking out over a sea, waiting for a fireworks display, when whatever this IT is is steadily walking up the same path behind me ready to tap me on the shoulder.  I won't even notice this IT standing there at first, I'll have already continued my journey, disappointed that the fireworks display never happened, and at one point in the future I'll look behind me and go WOAH, How long have you been there?!

Even this realization hasn't been an IT.  This realization itself has taken me a long time to see.  So sometimes when I think about what I've learned I get a little disappointed.  But I also know that things take time.  God rarely reveals big news all at once.  Jesus took 30 years before his ministry started, and took another three years before he died on the cross.  There have been moments in my spiritual life where I just went WOAH and God did send information in an instant.  But way more often heart and life change require time.

So I don't know what I'm going to take away from NYCUP.  I don't know what deep lessons I'm learning and how it'll affect me in the future.  But I trust that God will plant seeds here that will develop in the future, even though I don't know when that is or how long it will take.

Nathan Bixler